Clair's first email home (It's long, I didn't want to take anything out of this first one):

July 1st (travel day) was way way way way too long. Holy cow! I didn't meet up with any elders until 10 minutes before we were supposed to board but we were delayed. All elders, 10 of them. We got in super late and the day just dragged on. I road the train for like an hour probably hahahahahahahha. 

July 2nd we were supposed to get 2 extra hours of sleep but our latino companions thought we were on their schedule so they woke us up and everything. Ugh. It is 2 latinos, Hermana Rasmussen and hermana Monson, my friends, and my companion, hermana Davis. She is from Heber City but originally Washington or Seattle idk. I was very tired all day and so much of the intro stuff was in spanish and I was a little overwhelmed but so so so grateful that I took spanish in high school. 

July 3rd was a great first full normal day at the ccm. CCM is the Centro de Capacitacion de Misional and it is pronounced say say emay and I love this place. I tripped coming down stairs twice and everyone, (being the latins and teachers and leaders), were so worried. So so so embarrassing. We eat rice for lunch and dinner with chicken and either beef or pork or fish. We usually have potatoes as well and sometimes, if you're lucky, veggies. Breakfast is yogurt with cereal which is kind of like frosted flakes, a little bit. After this day I could pray in spanish!!! There are also hummingbirds everywhere. I love it. We had an investigator come in, Carlos.  He and his wife are having financial difficulties and don't understand why bad things happen to good people. All 45 of us new north american missionaries taught them... kind of.

July 4th they decorated the cafeteria in complete USA stuff and went ALL out. It was way nice. The food was extra delicious and we got pumpkin pie! :D I learned how to bear my testimony in spanish! Our teacher in the morning is Hermano Aguilar. It turns out the investigator from the day before was not real, because our teacher was Carlos. Not funny!  I am so so gullible. 

July 5th we saw the sun! It's winter and they have bad pollution and it's humid so its grey and gross and smoggy and COLD.  I’m so glad I have cardigans. Life saver. So it was a big deal to have the sun out and blue skies for the day.

July 6th was an awesome Sunday. I bore my testimony, in spanish, to our branch of about 85. :D This elder got up to bear his testimony and he looked so familiar. I was freaking out. After testimony meeting he came and shook my hand and I said, how do i know you? And he said, I’m Zach’s cousin! I had no idea he was gonna be here!??!!! Haha, it was nice to see a familiar face. He has one week left here.  We watched a Provo MTC devotional from January that was by Elder Bednar. I SAW TARA KUHN it was so exciting. I cried. We also watched the Jospeh Smith movie, which was so so good.

July 7 I saw EVERY ELDER IN MY DISTRICT cry from laughter. And it was hilarious. Only one from my distract went to BYU the rest are straight out of high school. It is, Elder Kasteler, Elder Eaton, Elder Lewis, Elder Banks, Elder Hansen, Elder Hawkins, Elder Dykstra and our district leader is Elder Goff. I think he's the one grandma’s friend knows or something. He's from highland. I love all the elders.

July 8 I'm officially the worst sports player in the whole ccm. I didn't want meat for dinner because I wasn't that hungry so I got rice and they HAD WARM VBEGGIES so i kind of got half a stir fry, it was delicious!

Okay! So I was expecting it to be like EFY and it is not. hahaha.  The elders are all here because they want to be and they participate in the classes and they are so spiritual and uplifting. Our schedule is ridiculously strict unlike EFY.  We can't sit at the same table as the elders so I sit with the same hermanas every time. There is one other Canadian here, Elder Graham from Calgary, but I don't know who he is. He's been here 3 weeks.

I can pray, bear testimony, introduce myself, explain and hand out a BofM, teach the restoration, teach the plan of salvation, and it's really amazing. I totally feel the Lord's strength. I know that he is blessing me to stay awake throughout the day, to understand the lessons, to retain the information, to feel the spirit, to speak the language, and to stay happy. I am so so so so happy you guys! More than you even know! We were playing charades with spanish words and I got entusiasmado which is enthusiastic and I said to my teacher, I can't do this and he said just be yourself! hahahah. Then the whole class instantly knew what it was. I guess they know who I am already! But, I cried the first night. Like wednesday night, but now I’m just happy. I'm so so happy. How many times will i say it? Too many. I love it here. :)

My district: everyday we have a spiritual lesson by ourselves during study time and we all share a spiritual thought from the day and it’s my favorite part of the day. They are all so so so great! Lots of them have said that they've struggled being on their own and having this completely different lifestyle but we are all helping each other and being with each other all day is already familiar and comfortable and feels like home. We are so so happy :) EVERYONE IS HAPPY! Except… there is a sister from Australia here, born in New Zealand, and her companion is from Germany.  The Aussie is not very nice. She is rude to her companion and they are never together and the german always has this sour look on her face and they back talk and it's not good.

I’m trying really hard to write this in all English. I speak hard core spanglish already.  I love you all and I miss you so much but know I'm having fun and I feel the spirit every second!

She made it to Peru!

Clair made it to the Peru MTC after a long travel day.  She left Calgary at 7am and had a long, 6+ hour layover in Dallas.  Her flight to Peru was almost 7 hours.  She said there were 10 elders on her flight and only one of them is going to Chiclayo, the rest are going to Arequipa, which is south of Lima.  She is in the same room with 5 other sisters, 2 of whom she has become friends with via Facebook over the past few months; Sister Rasmussen and Sister Monson.  Her companion is Sister Davies who is going to Arequipa.  The other two sisters are natives who are only at the MTC for 2 weeks.  

These are her words, "I am still shocked I am here. It is very humid, I feel it on my papers and just on my body too. I love you all and I need to go! I am so glad I made it safe.  This is an adventure and it's awesome!"

So the mission has officially begun.  We look forward to hearing from her on her p'days, which she doesn't know when they'll be yet.  

What a beautiful day it is a an exciting one as well! I am glad I am able to speak to you guys one last time before I head off for my mission. I’d like to thank everyone who is here to support me today and those who have taught me so much and influenced me. I am grateful for my church leaders, family, friends, and my swim coach, who came out today. He has played a big part in my life as I swam competitively. He has taught me things and helped me develop characteristics that will help me in life and on my mission! I appreciate all the love and support I get from everyone and it means a lot to me!

Okay! So I have been asked to speak on testimonies. I’ve decided to answer the basic questions, what, why, and how about testimonies today. I pray that something that I say will be of value to each of you and that the spirit will be with me.

Joseph B. Worthlin, in a talk given in General Conference October 2000 called Pure Testimony, defines a testimony as being “The assurance of the reality, truth, and goodness of God, of the teachings and atonement of Jesus Christ, and of the divine calling of latter-day prophets. … It is knowledge strengthened by divine personal confirmation by the Holy Ghost.”

Testimonies are important to gain and work on strengthening so that they can be foundations for us. My favorite scripture, the one that will go on my missionary plaque, is Helaman 5:12 which reads, “and now my sons remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our redeemer, who is Christ, the son of God, that ye must build your foundation, that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build, they cannot fall. “

We all know that we have the power to overcome Satan but at times we may feel like He is 10 times stronger than us. These moments of weakness, temptations, or trials, are when we need to have a testimony. We can pray to be reminded of our faith and we will be able to stay strong through any storm.

I’d like to read verses 1, 3, 4, 5, 7 of the hymn how firm a foundation.I skipped around in the hymn

I testify to you that foundations are so important and our testimonies are so important. I know that the book of Mormon is the source of that firm foundation. I know Heavenly Father will always be there for us and he will help us to stand up against the evils of the world and that when he has us go through trials or hardships, He is always there with us that he is standing right next to us the whole time ready to carry us when needed. I know that we are strengthened by trials. Trials can test our testimonies but they ultimately make us stronger. I know that when we have strong testimonies we will have the desire to do what is right. 

We all know the parable of the 10 virgins, where it was time for the bridegroom to come and some of the virgins didn’t have enough oil in their lamps. This is another reason why we want to have a testimony. We don’t want to run out of time and suddenly have to scramble to find our testimonies because we weren’t prepared. If we are constantly working on our testimonies, we won’t have to worry about not having enough oil in our lamps.

In the book “The Continuous Conversion” by Brad Wilcox, he talks about how true conversion is not instantaneous. It is continuous which is like building our testimonies. They are not suddenly there. Like a seed, you cannot plant it one day and have a large strong Oak tree the next. There are things you always need to do to help your testimony grow continuously.

Now that we know what a testimony is and how important they are, we need to know how to develop and strengthen one.

The first thing you need is a desire to gain a testimony, along with faith. I loved Ward Conference last week. President Spackman talked about bearing testimony to your children through word and action. I gained the desire to know after seeing and hearing my parents testimonies. Although I remember my parents sharing their testimonies with me, I remember that I first had the desire to know for myself when I realized that my mom and dad were going to church because they believed. I wanted to go to church because I genuinely wanted to and because I knew it was right.

A song by Jenny Phillips called Live Like You Believe has helped me in my youth when I feel like I am not sure or I am on uneven ground. It says:

You have felt the warmth of the fire

You have seen the glimmer of light

It’s something that you have been missing inside

Something that you have been longing to find

Hold on to the yearning

And wherever you are on the journey

Live like you believe

Live like you know

It’s one sure way your faith will grow

Listen to your heart

Searching your soul

And you’ll find the strength that you need

When you live like you believe

There are some times when you kind of just have to fake it until you make it but I testify that it works. When I moved from Utah one of my good friends took it pretty rough. I later heard through the grapevine that he wasn’t participating in many church activities. We emailed back and forth, because that was how we communicated back then, and I encouraged him to at least attend young men’s, to spend time with his friends and to try to feel the spirit and then, later, he could slowly add back in everything else. I promise that if you read the scriptures because you have to and pray because you have to but also because you want to know for sure the spirit will testify of the truth to you. As it says in Ether 12:6, “Dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.” You have to take your faith and test it out before you will receive your witness.

When questions, doubts, trials, and temptations come up it can be hard to stay firm. I know this through personal experience and from watching loved ones struggle as well. Sometimes it is necessary to remember the things that started your testimony, to remember the foundation. Whether that is the articles of Faith, the Book of Mormon, Joseph Smith, or the power of prayer, it will be a reminder to you and help you stay strong and keep the faith.

Because a testimony is a continuous thing, we need to be anxiously engaged in building it up. The little things like scripture study, personal prayers, and going to church are actually the big things. As we continue to do these things, our testimonies build little by little. It can sometimes seem like a waste of time but the growth is happening without you even seeing it. When I was at BYU-Idaho I had Book of Mormon class once a week for 2 hours and that was it. This meant that there was more out-of-class work to be done. I dove right into the scriptures and did my very best to meet the assignment requirements but I felt like it was just another class and I wasn’t making any spiritual growth. As I look back on the high school me, I have realized that my 2 semesters of long, consistent, and purposeful scripture study has built up my testimony without me noticing in the moment.

Moroni’s promise, in Moroni 10:3-4 says simply that if we pray to know if what we have read is true, we will receive a confirmation of the truth. Prayer is an essential part of gaining or strengthening a testimony. Through prayer, we can receive answers to doubts and questions and we can more firmly know. It is often through prayer that I receive answers to my questions or have my testimony strengthened. I remember many instances where I have received answers or comfort through prayer and it has played a big part in my growth.

Boyd K. Packer gave a talk at a seminar for new mission presidents in 1982 called the Candle of the Lord, and it is just packed full of good things. One of the things he says is, “A testimony is to be found in the bearing of it! … It is one thing to receive a witness form what you have read or what another has said; and that is a necessary beginning. It is quite another to have the spirit confirm to you in your bosom that what you have testified is true.” 

I have gained my testimony through reading my scriptures, praying to know if it is true, and by bearing my testimony. I remember when bearing my testimony was a taunting thing and I was embarrassed when I would get emotional because of the feeling in my heart but now, I want more than anything to have that feeling constantly.

My roommate at BYU-Idaho was Cassidy Cook who was my best friend when we moved from Utah and right around her 19^th birthday in October last year she decided she wanted to serve a mission so we were able to prepare together and discuss our mission prep classes. One thing her mission prep teacher said was to bear testimony on one topic at a time without stories so the investigators don’t get lost. He said that knowing isn’t always enough when you are working with investigators so you have to state how you know. For example, I know that the Book of Mormon is the word of god and that it was translated by Joseph Smith. I know this because I have followed Moroni’s promise and I have prayed to find out for myself if this is true. I have born testimony like this for the last 5 months with various topics and I have felt the spirit warm my heart to reassure me that I really do know.

President Packer also says, “you can create a climate to foster growth, nourish, and protect; but you cannot force or compel: you must await the growth. Do not be impatient to gain great spiritual knowledge. Let it grow, help it grow, but do not force it or you will open the way to be misled.”

Patience is a huge part of our lives. We must wait for trials to end, for blessings to come, to receive answers to prayers and for testimonies to grow. Like I said before, sometimes our spiritual growth is happening, it’s just small enough that you don’t notice.

In the other talk, Pure Testimony, Elder Worthlin reminds us that “a testimony of the truth of the gospel does not come the say way to all people. Some receive it in a unique, life-changing experience. Others gain a testimony slowly, almost imperceptibly until, one day, they simply know.” I personally think that many have both. I feel like I have grown slowly in the gospel but there a few moments that I remember specifically receiving a burning witness. These moments have strengthened certain areas of my testimony instantly while other areas have grown and are growing slowly.

The Church is amazing at providing opportunities where we may have big spiritual experiences. I attended EFY all 4 years I was able to and I attended Girls camp 5 times, I participated in Trek and a special girls camp in Utah called Oakcrest and I attended a church university. Each of these experiences has taught me something. Whether I have learned of the importance of scripture study or felt the love of God so strongly that I knew that I was His daughter, my testimony has been strengthened.

We need to build up our testimonies for ourselves but also so we can share them with others. President packer, in his talk, said “now, do not feel hesitant or ashamed if you do not know everything. Nephi said, “I know that he loveth his children; nevertheless, I do not know the meaning of all things.” There may be more power in your testimony than even you realize.” I love this! This is something I want to remember on my mission. It is like the scripture in Doctrine and Covenants that says that the gospel will be shared by the weak and simple. It doesn’t take a mighty giant to share testimony but just a sincere and spiritual person. A testimony that has convincing power is sincere. In Preach My Gospel it says that a “powerful testimony is not dependent on eloquence or the volume of your voice but on the conviction of your heart.”

People will still question. Having a fervent testimony doesn’t mean much when you are speaking with someone who is “stuck in their ways”. President Packer shares the story of what salt tastes like. For those of you who don’t know, it goes like this. This is where I read the story from the talk. I love this story because I can so easily relate. I simply know, I can’t explain how I know but I also can’t deny that I know.

In president Packer’s address to the new mission presidents, he says that he is going to teach them as if they were missionaries and he says, “now as a missionary, you will mature, develop a confidence, learn to speak up, to organize, to set goals, you will learn about people and places, you will learn to learn, and many other things. These are lasting benefits that come as something of a reward for your dedicated service. But these things do not compare with the most lasting reward. The choicest pearl, the one of great price, is to learn at an early age how one is guided by the spirit of the lord- a supernal gift. Indeed, it is a guide and a protection.”

I know that as I am obedient, the Lord will bless me. I am excited to be more in tune with the spirit and to witness its influence and direction more clearly in my life. I am so excited to serve a mission. I can’t fully wrap my brain around the fact that it is happening and that tomorrow night at 6:00 it will be official and I will be a missionary. That Tuesday night at midnight I will land in Lima Peru and that Wednesday morning I will start my training to be a missionary. I am ready to show others my love of the gospel and I desire so badly for the people in Chiclayo Peru to come unto Christ and to be as happy as I am because of the gospel. I know that this is the true church and that it was restored by Joseph Smith. I know that Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon by the power of God. I know these things because I have prayed and I have felt warm inside as the Holy Ghost has reassured me. I know that Thomas S. Monson is the prophet of this church and that He is called of God. Him, and the apostles, receive revelation and they guide us in these latter days. I know this because when they speak at General Conference and when I read their messages I cannot deny the feeling I get. I know that Jesus is the Christ, that he died for me personally as well as each of you. I know that He loves me and that he gave me the gift of the atonement so that I never have to feel alone and so that I can be forgiven and made clean. I feel so much joy and peace as I say those words. I know that Heavenly Father knows me individually and loves me for me. I know that He hears my prayers and answers them in the right way, at the right time. He has literally been the only one that is there for me at all times and he is the only one who understands what I am feeling. I am so grateful for this gospel and everything that it has taught me. I am grateful for my blessings that have come through my knowledge in the church. I am grateful for my testimony and for the simple things that I am able to do to ensure that I have a firm foundation. I know that this church is true and I am so grateful for this opportunity to share my love of the gospel. I say these things In the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.  

The Journey

I want to share the adventure I took to get to this point, about to head off to Peru!

I have always wanted to serve, it's been in the back of my mind for about 5 years. I didn't think it was very likely that I would be willing to drop school or a boyfriend when I finally turned 21 so I never really thought this would happen. In October of 2012, President Thomas S. Monson announced that worthy young women with a desire to serve were able to serve at age 19. My whole life changed! I then decided that no matter what, I would serve a mission.

While I attended school at BYU-Idaho I met with my bishop often to discuss missions. on December 8th, 2013 I officially opened my mission papers! I worked hard and completed all of my part, including doctor appointment- a physical exam and shots, dentist appointment- cavities and wisdom tooth pulled, and all the paperwork. I left for Christmas break and the only thing left was the portion for my bishop. Because of the busy season and the start of a new semester, my papers were officially submitted January 21st, 2014. After a taunting wait, I received my mission call on February 6th, 2014. As I read it my heart was warm and I couldn't help but smile all day long!

Dear Sister Pilling

You are hereby called to serve as a missionary for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. You are assigned to labour in the PERU CHICLAYO mission. you should report to the Peru Missionary Training Center on Wednesday July 2, 2014. You will prepare to preach the gospel in the spanish language. 

to this day I am still shocked and it doesn't seem real that I will be living in Peru for 18 months. I am beyond excited! I know that this church is true, I know that it can change lives and bring peace and happiness to any soul. I'm excited to share the joyful message of this gospel to those I meet and to strengthen my own testimony as I serve.